Below is a two-month account of my journey to finding out I’m pregnant with our second baby. These journal-style entries were so special to write, I hope you enjoy! Drop a comment if you’re also expecting or if you’re also navigating running a design studio as a mom. I’d love to connect!

If you’re close to Grant and I, you probably know that in early March we lost a pregnancy. It was a really early loss, but we were heartbroken. I was actually surprised by how upset I got, being only five weeks pregnant. We had been trying for a second baby since late summer last year, so there was definitely a huge feeling of loss and like what we had waited so long for was being taken from us. Since, we’ve continued trying for a second baby and this month, I have a good feeling! In honor of the announcement I was so excited to share on the blog in March, I’m starting a new blog post to document my symptoms and feelings leading up to getting a positive test (if my gut is right).

And, well, if you’re reading this, that means my gut was right (!!) and I am pregnant with baby number two!! Read more about how I felt leading up to and after getting the positive test in my entries below:

April 30th — Could I be pregnant?

As I write this, it’s April 30th around noon. Today, I’ve experienced twinges low in my belly. It’s what I’m assuming is implantation pinches/twinges. I first noticed them at church last Sunday. After church, Grant and I went to grab some things for his next shift at Target and I excitedly told him about the twinges, “Grant… I think I’m pregnant!” Today, I’d be about 7 DPO (I really don’t know for certain because we haven’t been properly tracking anything this month) so it’d make sense that implantation is happening now. We’ll see?! My next update may just be after a positive test. I’m eager to test but also a bit nervous — I don’t want to know anything too early just to be sad by an early loss again. I guess, either way, I’m feeling grateful and eager.

May 7th — Is that a second line?

From last Sunday to today, I’ve experiences the same twinges low in my belly. Everything I read online (because Dr. Google knows best, right? 😂) said that implantation pricks/twinges/cramps only last from a few hours up to three days. So, I brushed them off as nothing once day 7 came around. I even had two glasses of wine at dinner with Grant the night he got off shift, telling him I didn’t think I was pregnant after all. Because Paisley was a surprise to us, I wasn’t as aware of every little change in my body before getting a positive test. This time around, it can be torturous wondering what may be a symptom and what isn’t lol. Then today, I noticed that my joints felt loose and I felt extra tired and just had a weird feeling I was pregnant. I took another of those cheap stick tests and could see a barely-there super-faint line. WHAT! I took another one a few hours later and… same thing. As I type this, I still have a twinging sensation low in my belly only this time they’re a lot more noticeable and have a pulling sensation to them. Is it in my head? Grant’s currently on shift but we have plans to visit the flower fields this Thursday when he’s home. I told him I’d take a “real” test with him that morning so we could celebrate while in Carlsbad. Is that a little too ambitious? Maybe. But I do have a really good feeling. We’ll see! I’ll check in with you guys again soon!

May 12th — It’s definitely positive!!!

Today’s Mother’s Day and I’m writing this update with Paisley on my lap (we’ll see how many typos I can avoid lol). It’s currently 8:21 am and gloomy and cold outside. My coffee’s gone cold, but I have exciting news keeping my spirits bright! Let’s start from the beginning…

I picked Grant up from the station Wednesday morning, the same morning I got my first “that’s definitely positive” test. I brought the test with me to the station and showed him as soon as he got in the car. “How exciting!”

Since then, I’ve been testing every morning to be sure the line gets darker. It seems that this time around, I have more noticeable symptoms compared to my March pregnancy. I think that’s a good thing. The line has slowly gotten darker, too. But ultimately, we’ve decided to wait to tell friends and family until I’m a little farther along this time. It’s been fun to keep it our little secret, and it’s brightened all of my days up to this point! As of today, I’m 4w3d. So, super early still. I think once we make it past 5 weeks, I’ll make my first appointment and things will start to feel a lot more real. It’s been so weird to look at Paisley and know she will one day be a sibling. I know she’ll LOVE it. I’ve mentioned to her that there’s a baby in my belly, and even that gets her excited. I can’t wait to share this milestone with her.

May 29th — Cravings… SLEEP!!

Already, this pregnancy is so different from my first. I expected that to be the case, but it’s really hit me just how differently I’ll experience pregnancy this time around. My first pregnancy was a bit more… ethereal? It was light and glowy and I got to relish in all of the smallest details. This time, I sometimes forget I’m even pregnant at all. I’ve also been hit with exhaustion and spaciness like a ton of bricks. Pair that with chasing around a toddler and I’m often in bed by 8pm lol. I don’t remember being THIS tired with my first, but maybe it’s just because I was living under different circumstances. For the past two years, I’ve woken up between 5:30 – 6:30am each morning to fit in about two hours of alone time. Nowadays, I’m lucky to wake up by 7am. I do still get some alone time (much needed) but not nearly as much. I have (proudly) still worked in a workout routine, though. I’m slowly adjusting my routines and this season has forced me to give myself so much grace — even more than I thought was enough prior. I’ve had my fair share of cry sessions about the changes coming, especially as they relate to my work. But, I’m finally in a place of acceptance and understanding that my work/talents will always be here but the opportunity to be 100% mom while my babies are little won’t be. That’s helped a lot, and I’m ready to ride this wave and see where it takes me, my family, and my studio.

My other most noticeable symptom is hunger. OMG, the hunger. Again, not something I remember about my first pregnancy, at least not in the capacity I’m experiencing now. I am HUNGRY all the time. And when I don’t eat, I feel really faint. Luckily, I haven’t experienced any nausea or morning sickness. I didn’t with my first either, so I’m hoping that lasts. As of today, I’m 6w6d and have our first appointment scheduled for June 7th. I’m so, so excited that Grant can come with this time and experience the baby’s first heartbeat with me. With our first, he had to miss it because of covid. Countdown to that day has started! I’m so excited.

We still haven’t told any family, but Grant (and I, on occasion) has eagerly told lots of our fire family. Each time we get to tell someone, it feels exciting and relieving. I’m NOT a good secret keeper lol. I think we’ll ask for extra printouts of the sonogram on June 7th and take those to our families the following day. Eager to update you all June 8th, too!

June 17th — The news is finally out!!

I can’t believe it’s been almost a month since I last wrote. It’s my husband and my third wedding anniversary, and it’s been such a special one! Because… the news is out! Sharing my pregnancy with all of you has made it feel so much more real and has upped the excitement so much. Experiencing pregnancy with a toddler is a lot different than being pregnant with our first, and I’m still not sure how it’ll change the ways I work and run my design studio. But if I’ve learned anything from the last (nearly) three years of motherhood, it’s that planning is usually in vain. This time, I’ll roll with the punches and continue taking it day by day — planting the seeds of passive income and focusing my work on stationery and my children’s book, to keep a strong foundation in place until I can come back full-force in 1:1 client work. I’m so excited to see what comes next for the studio and for my little family! Thanks so much for reading, keeping up with my little corner of the internet, and being a supporter of Poised Avenue. Chat soon!